There's a boy I refuse to call, for at least another month, because he can't look me in the eye and tell me I'm what he wants. I spent 5 months, NOT dating him, because he couldn't deal with the anxiety he was sure it would cause him to have a long distance relationship.
There's a boy I refuse to call, for at least another month, who haunts my mind when I'm least expecting it. Who shows up in my thoughts when I'm minding my own business. Who catches me with my heart undressed, wondering at my world, and what it would be like to have him in it.
There's a boy I told to piss off for at least another 4-6 months, til I can get my head back on "hi" terms. Til I can get my heart back on "hey, how's it goin'?" terms. Til I can unwrap myself from the fact that he feels like home, but likely equates to the death of a small town Homecoming Queen...maybe, just maybe.
I'm not sorry for it. I miss him like crazy. But I have to ask myself if I'm missing something that really feeds my life, or something I WISH would feed my life. Do I miss him because he's really something special? Or because he's the last one I really focused on?...only time will tell I suppose...damn it all anyway.
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